Exactly one week ago on May 3rd, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried for two days straight.
The following Tuesday, I was checked into the Beth Israel E.R for fear of Swine Flu. Four and a half hours later, I was released (Swine Flu-free) but ordered to stay home for 7 days and observe strict bed rest. My apt. is t.v free and laptop broken.
What did I do?
cry.
sleep.
mourn.
Why did it happen to me? I wondered. Was I paying for my previous happiness? It was so sudden, and we had been doing so well (or so I thought).
The morning after we broke up, I remember so clearly the moment upon waking: I opened my eyes, floating for a second in the bliss of disorientation, until reality hit and I remembered.
I wanted to return to my dreams; to my subconscious, and not deal with reality.
The first thing I thought about was only a few nights back, a memory of a very different experience of waking up. I was having a nightmare and awoke, the feeling of terror still pressing in my chest. I opened my eyes, and saw his soft, olive colored back as he slept beside me. Immediately I was comforted, and instantly so greatful to be awake. I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around him, safe.
That Tuesday morning, I grieved for that specifically: the moment of waking up next to him, and feeling happy to be awake.
